The Sensible way of Living
There are two ways of living: One is
living with ‘choiceless awareness’ living as a ‘Sakshi’, i.e., witness to all
your thoughts and actions. This is a very sensible, a sane way of living. The
other is just living unconsciously, ‘without awareness’ whatsoever; it is this
way of life that our one hundred and odd crores of people of India have chosen
to and the result is obvious. This life of utter callousness as regards
consciousness and the senseless pursuit of sensuous living have led us and our
country to downfall, from the status of a very great spiritual leader (upto 5th
Century) to a Third World country, of virtually a dark age, today. When it
comes to the general psyche of the people of India, this is evident in every
walk of their life. Accumulation of garbage and mindless spitting in public
places, pushing and goading through crowd are very common observations. The
physical and social environment that has been created by the people in Indian
villages, and towns and cities could have been easily avoided with a little
conscious living. One can see how people are not conscious of their spiritual,
historical and cultural past, and have forgotten the spiritual height their ancestors
had reached, and the glory that was Maha Bharat and behave like an unconscious,
‘Prajnya-heena’ lot today.
In every walk of our lives, we exhibit
our foolish, unconscious, indiscreet, senseless behaviour. Every action of ours
is shortsighted and selfish. There is no national fervour or social commitment
in our thoughts and action. We are neither religious nor philosophical, nor
rational and scientific. We have scant respect for ‘Ritam’ and ‘Satyam’, i.e.,
Truth and Order, the very foundation of this universe. We are unmindful of the
consequences of our action. Accumulation of wealth by a few, regardless of the
oppressive poverty of their brethren, is commonly seen everywhere, particularly
among the rich and the famous; we have become blind to realities of life and
our ego will not permit us to think of the reality. We are purely selfish to
the core.
Thus, there is need for revival of our
ancient culture and spiritual way of life. Unless one willfully wants to follow
the western culture and enjoy that soul-less life, people should follow the
path of ‘dharma’ laid down here. Modern life is full of stress and strain
causing numerous problems of sickness of body and mind. Western life as
compared with the Eastern life is now in a disadvantageous position due to this
very simple reason that it lacks harmony. But, unfortunately, mimicking the
west, the present-day Eastern way of life has also become a life devoid of
soul, devoid of both rationale and consciousness. In contrast, the Western way of life seems to
be much better; it has has imbibed a system of strict discipline in social
life. It has developed technological means of comfortable living. But, this has
helped people only to build up physical conveniences only, and the people lack
harmony within, mental peace and contentment. Hence, it is time to think about
the path we have chosen. This work is relevant to all the people of the world,
East or West, North or South.
Normally, everybody faces problems in life
in numerous ways. It is due to mal-adjustments, misunderstandings, or lack of understandings, or due to greed, avarice, selfishness and over-indulgences.
Mostly, it is due to selfishness or unconscious behaviour of some members that
all other family members, relatives, and friends, or colleagues are badly affected.
The problems arise due to too much of attachment, and the golden rule is to
realize the Supreme Reality.
Although abnegation of self is not
possible at one stroke, one should learn to live with a sense of pure love and
detachment; it is like a nurse looking after a baby with love, affection and
tenderness and handing it over to its mother. It is like the drops of water on
a lotus leaf. The discontent within oneself is at the root of the problems. One
who is at peace with oneself will be happy and contented with all his
relations. High expectations in relationships cause great disappointments. Even
in love, one who expects reciprocal emotional response will be disappointed and
later on get into trouble. Self-less love is the answer here.
Love and sacrifice are the key words to
remember. Here the technique to be adopted is very simple. Find out at what
level you are operating; is it at the body level, or mind level, or spiritual
(soul) level? Any ‘body-level’ relationship is going to collapse when bodily
attractions cease. ‘Mind-level’ attachments also collapse when mind gets bored
of repitition and looks elsewhere for more thrilling or interesting
attachments. But the spiritual or ‘soul-level’ attachments are very permanent
and no one will have regrets at that level. Hence, one has to cultivate
spiritual relationships with relatives and friends and these would last
longer.
Living is an art. The art of living has
to be cultivated. One should be consciously aware of one-self and develop the
Sattvic guna. Both the Tamasic and
Rajasic gunas are binding to the worldly way of life while sattvic guna leads
to liberation, emancipation or mukti. The science of living is to develop a
rational and experimental approach to life. Whenever doubts occur, one has to
test and confirm oneself in order to accept it as truth; but actually, the majority
of the people go by blind faith and irrelevant practices.
Modern life has become more mechanical
and leaves no time to enjoy life despite the numerous time saving gadgets and
mechanisms. In fact, modern technology has given an advantage to people to save
time and use the same to meditation and spiritual practices. More leisure is
not for more pleasure. Sensuous pleasure leaves void and brings frustration.
This has to be realized. The fire of desire for sensual pleasures should be
extinguished not by fulfillment but by repulsion, vivek and vairagya. The more
one tries to fulfil the desires for sensual pleasures, the more one is
disappointed. Ultimately, it is a peaceful and contented life that is more
important. All possible means should be adopted to live a happy and successful
life in this modern hectic world. This book: ‘Mind Management Techniques’ will
greatly help in this endeavour.
Happiness in Family life
Happiness in marriage is a myth. A major part of the life is spent in family life and success and happiness in married life is very important. In fact, marriage should bring fulfillment; a biological fulfillment. It should bring happiness. It brings contentment for each completes the other; not discontentment, sense of void and competition in life as we find in most cases today. Of course, there are some happily married couple. In general, marriage and happiness do not go well together for long. The happiness appears like a mirage. Before you feel the happiness clouds of family responsibilities cast a gloom and disenchantment starts. In reality, there is nothing like happiness in family life. It’s all a gambling.
Marriage means union of two souls for
the simple goal of attainment of fulfillment in life. But, marriages have
always been a game of romance and almost always make a trial and error attempt
towards this goal. The attraction of a
boy and girl starts in adolescence and there is no sense of judgment at that
stage of life. Platonic love or physical urges count a lot and always end in
distress, sometimes leading to suicides. These children in love will not be in
a position to understand the meaning of life and do not care for the advice of
parents and friends. Very rarely such marriages of adolescent attachments
succeed. The real success in marriage comes from only one source, the spiritual
source. Both the partners in life must be mature enough to know the secrets of
life. One such secret of life is that this life is not for eternal
companion-ship, or for that matter, mutual dependence at all times. Only
the Lord Almighty can be trusted at all times; depend on Him.
Why Marital
Discord and Divorces?
Marital discord and sometimes the
extreme step like divorce is a common thing in open societies. The underlying
causes are not hard to find; modern life is full of stress, tension and
competition. Normally, lack of respect for each other and highly bloated ego of
the marriage partners in addition to lack of understanding and faith in each
other contribute to the collapse of marriages.
In the first place, it is two
opposites that attract each other and the natural law is to repel whatever
comes very close to each other. In marriage, it is two persons of opposite sex
having different natural, social and psychological background that come
together; and it is obvious that the natural forces begin to operate sooner or
later. Attraction and repulsion are the order of nature, law of nature. This
duality is built-in to the mechanism since this world is ‘maya’, un-real. It is
a ‘make-believe’ or magical world and there is no meaning in worrying about
changing whims and fancies of persons and their behaviour. This is the truth!
Two persons cannot agree always on
everything, and need not, too.. It is natural that the opposites attract each other. A boy and a
girl with extreme difference in svabhava, or nature, are attracted at first
sight. What one does not have in him-self looks for that in another person,
preferably of opposite sex. But this attraction wanes when reality dawns on the
persons. No two persons are of same nature and each person has a capacity to
bear with the nature of another person when their relationships are at body
level or mind level. Body chemistry or physical attractions are temporary. When
the two persons are bound by spiritual attraction, their relationship lasts
longer and becomes more fruitful. Thus, marital discord appears when body or
sensual attractions and mental attractions wane out. Infatuation based on
fascinations or fantasies and imaginary desires brings disillusionment sooner or later. When the real nature of a person is intolerable to the other person,
either they quarrel and separate, or decide to end the marriage with mutual
consent. Rarely a marriage succeeds when it is based on wealth, social status,
power or other worldly achievements.
The function of billiard balls is to
collide. A strong personality is like a billiard ball. Any two strong
personalities always collide, and their ego forms an adamantine wall preventing
proper understanding, mutual admiration, respect and love. Ego rules the roost.
On the other hand, any integrated personality is a harmonious being and he
operates spiritually rather than mentally. He is full of love and
understanding. He knows only love and consideration for others feelings.
Here,‘love’ means ‘to unite’. It is Yoga. Life is a yajnya and, for a
successful marriage the couple should offer themselves as the fuel and burn
their ego in this yajnya. Only spiritual attainment will provide an enduring
relationship and happiness. There are some strange marriages that fall outside
reasoning or rationale; probably this helps us to understand the spiritual
relationships better.
Eternal companionship and mutual
dependence is possible only with the Lord. This is the reason why many ardent
devotees like Shri Ramana Maharshi, Tukaram, Gouranga, Swamy Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, Andal, Akkamahadevi, and Radha have all taken refuge in their Ishta
Devatha to attain liberation and enjoy Supreme Bliss.
It is important to note that, it is the
marriage that is bound by spiritual attraction that is mostly successful. Both
the man and his wife must be aware of the Lord Almighty’s divine plan and
submit to 'His Will'. He will grant all success and happiness in such persons’
lives. But who can know His Plans? Here, total submission will help. There is
no place for the self here; there is no place for worldly desires here; there
is no place for excesses or over-indulgences here. One has to be careful even
in basic requirements like food, clothing and shelter and should not hanker after
them. Hence, this is a very difficult proposition. But there is no way out at
all.
All persons bound by mutual attraction
at body level or mind level will have to face unimaginable miseries in their
lives; thisis true especially of those who are attracted by bodily attractions
and they will suffer more. Here, the reason is very simple; physical body is
subject to change and deterioration over time; and, thus the very basis of
marriage disappears leading to disappointment and distress. ‘Rajasic’ and
‘Tamasic’ Gunas take an upper hand, or preponderance over ‘Sattvic Guna’, in
such lives. Due to too much of attachment (raga), mind looses sight of
realities. For example, in a state of infatuation the realities of nature are
forgotten. The most beautiful face that the mind madly sought after looses its
glamour for it is not spiritually enlightened. The skin looses its elasticity
for it is its sharira dharma. One should always remember that all finite
things, however beautiful, deteriorate and disappear.
Many well-built and strong physical
bodies are afflicted due to high sense of ego, obsessions, greed, desire and over-indulgences. Sickness
and death, due to one reason or the other, bring the husband or wife, grief and
disappointment in life. This is more to the partners who are guided by physical
attractions. Divorces are common after the mutual attraction fades away. One
day, the person realizes that the other person is not the person he or she
sought for so ardently; or for that matter, madly fell in love with. Hence, is
the disappointment and the misery. But here again, the marriage built on
spiritual basis is stronger and there is no place for disappointment if both
the husband and wife look to the Lord Almighty for guidance in life and take
whatever comes as the God’s Grace. ‘Sattva Guna’ takes preponderance in such
lives. There is no place for ‘Tamasic’ indulgences in ‘sattvic’ lives. Even if
one of the marriage partners is spiritual and the other not, problems remain. Rajasic
or tamasic nature of a person makes him blind to realities of life since the
mind under these preponderance of gunas will cloud the sense of judgment with false
notions of life.
The second category persons who operate
at the mind level also face the same problem. Mind is always fleeting. Mind is
always changing and looking for interesting or thrilling objects. Mind operates
on the basis of imagination or memories. In both these cases, the persons lose
sight of the realities of the present and feel disappointed when they do not
get what they imagined or what they wished for. Further, if the marriage is not
based on mutual understanding, mutual respect, trust, faith, love and
sacrifice, such marriages are rocked at the earliest realization of the
reality. If one of the partners is spiritually oriented and knows the reality
of life, the marriage is sustained for a longer period. In all these cases, spiritual bent of mind
will greatly help. Ego has no place in marriage. But in almost all cases of
unstable marriages ego is the destabilizing factor. Wealth and fame are not the
guarantors of a successful marriage.
Sex, as many believe, does not play any
predominant role in marriage. Although it is true that the purpose of marriage
is sex, sex is not everything in marriage. This is how duality exists in
everyday life. Mind dwelling on fascination and imagination is very dangerous.
Mind has the ability to create things that are not real and thus dupes the
persons offering him or her unlimited sexual happiness that is only imaginary;
such an unlimited happiness is never possible in real life for the simple
reason that the human body is limited and finite. Infinite happiness can be
achieved only by spiritual practices. The role of sex is well defined in the
Vedas and Upanisads. Although sex is important in life, it should be understood
within the definition and scope of life as defined in the ancient scriptures.
Vatsayana’s Kama Sutra has been
completely distorted by modern interpreters with the sole aim of ‘en-cashing’
it. It is impossible to strictly follow all the conditions that are laid down
in Kama Sutra in modern day busy life. Purity of thoughts and purity of heart
underlie the relationship of sex-partners that is hardly found in present day
life. It requires a very different way of life than that exists to day to live
by ‘Kama Sutra’ way.
If householder’s way of life does not
conform to the rules of ‘Grihasta-ashrama’ dharma, it does not lead to
fulfilment. In Grihastashrama, the role of wife is well defined and, sex is a
part of duty within the bounds of Grihasthashrama dharma. Ultimately, excessive
sexual indulgences are forbidden for it turns out to be a mere wearisome
physical exercise without fulfillment. Mere body union is meaningless without
spiritual union. Marriage of convenience also fails in the long run. Since,
mind is the guiding factor in sex, its dominance shall have to be restricted by
invoking buddhi, or intellect, vichara and vairagya. Spiritual practices
greatly help in controlling the mind.
The spiritual path to life is a sure path
that makes life more complete and satisfying. Although sex is important as far
as biological urge, and the mind’s obsession of it is concerned, its role
should be understood clearly. No doubt it is a significant factor in life and
its role is great in the early stages of life.
But, sex is not the whole thing, the main goal, in life. As already
stated, reducing the rajasic tendencies and attaining Sattvic guna will reduce
the heat of passion and sex. Here gain, sad-vichara, viveka and vairagya will
help to gain control over the sex-obsessed mind.
Of all the obsessions, sex-obsession is
the strongest. Unless the person has a spiritual samskara and practices yama,
niyama, and pratyahara, it is difficult to overcome the power of mind full of
sexual thoughts and infatuation. This is one of the major aspects of youthful
stage of life in every person that needs physical and psychological discipline
and spiritual guidance. Pratyahara, or obstruction, or restraining obsessive
thoughts of sex will help to control the body and mind. All the Jnyanendriyas
and Karmendriyas should be constantly kept under vigil (Saakshi) and perfect
control. Brahmacharya or continence should be practiced before entertaining the
idea of marriage for happiness and success in life. This aspect is mostly
ignored as at present.
In Hindu philosophy of life, the role
of sex is limited to begetting one, or at the most two, off spring/s to fulfill
familial (biological) obligations. It forbids excessive indulgences in sex
unmindful of the purpose and goal of life. Joint family system provided a
social environment to fulfil this obligation; but as the individuals set up
their own families away from the parents and close relatives, opportunities
like freedom, privacy, and time and resources became available for a reckless
private life. This has led to many unwanted problems.
It is repeatedly warned here that,
over-indulgence in any thing is bad; this is true particularly in sex.
Normally, persons who are in the grip of sensuous life think life is for
enjoyment at any cost! It is true that, life is for enjoyment; but, it is
definitely not at any cost. Life is
sheer pleasure when it is sensible, when it is full of love, a Conscious enjoyment.
One who enjoys life fully will have no
regret to these small things, including sex. So one should enjoy sex to the
satisfaction of both the partners and the success of marriage lies in its
consummation. Acharya Rajneesh says that
‘a sexual union with the beloved in a total abandonment of the self will give
immense satisfaction. The sexual union with the beloved that lasts for three
hours at a stretch in a night will be totally and permanently satisfying and
such persons will not hanker after sex anymore’. But it is rarely possible.
Some people who have had this experience (may be in their previous birth!) do
not hanker after sex any more. Thus, it is believed that sexual satisfaction
that is quite lasting is important and it can be attained. It is sheer extasy
and contemplation in the act that releases the bondage. Sex should not be an
obsession. It hinders all other creative thoughts originating from an intuitive
frame of mind.
The heat of sex or passion is reduced
with avoidance of lust. Ultimately, a sense of complete satisfaction or
fulfillment, although not possible ordinarily, leads to vairagya and aversion
to sex. Hardly three percent of our life- time is given to sex. But fools want
to revel in thoughts of sex throughout life. Continence is important if one has
to gain spiritual strength. It is said that ‘ojas brings tejas’. Continence or
avoidance of sex in married life is also very important in order to conserve
the ‘dhatu’ (semen) and use this conserved energy for spiritual attainments. A
strong heart, lungs, and nerves derive their strength from the conservation of
energy from this source. A man with a strict disciplined sexual life is more
attractive, strong and self-controlled. He gets a special shine, radiance on
his face.
Inadequacy of partners in marriage is
an important destabilizing factor. Due to lack of proper guidance at the right
time many youngsters go astray and later on suffer inadequacy in married life.
An unhappy wife will become quarrelsome and revolt causing marital discord. Many
marriages have ended in divorces due to this factor of inadequacy. Lack of
preparation and training such as brahmacharya is primarily responsible for
failure or inadequacies in marriage. Carefree life in youthful stage brings in
unimaginable problems later in life. The true meaning and purpose of life has
to be clearly understood in order to live a happy and successful life. Hence,
the golden rule is ‘practise restraint’.
An important technique of attaining
sexual satisfaction is through raising the level of consciousness. Much less
energy is required for sexual arousal and indulgences, whereas, more energy is
required to attain spiritual experiences. With the advance in spiritual
practice, the aspirant will come to experience happiness that is superior to
the happiness derived from sexual indulgences. As the level of consciousness is
raised to the heart level, the aspirant experiences true love. As and when this
level of Consciousness is further raised to the throat level and the eyebrow
level, and the head, the experience will be one of supreme bliss, much superior
to anything experienced so far. Hence, one should rise to higher and higher
levels of Consciousness through spiritual practices. Thus, life becomes more
interesting
Apart from sex, there are other
numerous problems that create instability in married life. Lack of mutual
respect, insecurity in job, social insecurity, new surroundings and strange
environments, loneliness and brooding, lack of social life and lack of trusted
good friends and neighbours, etc. – all create emotional stress that gradually
build up to become major problems. One solution to all these is ‘meditation’. A
simple technique of chanting the name of Ishta devatha will calm down the
nerves and keep the mind cool. Chanting the Lord’s name at least for ten
minutes in the early morning and ten minutes in the night before going to bed
will greatly help. Remember, there is none greater than Him and none better
than Him and He comes to your help if you sincerely, earnestly call Him in
times of distress. He is the protector, Lord Sri Hari Narayana! He is the most
dependable; and He resides in you, i ana all! Realise That! Hari Om! Tat Sat!
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