On Parents and Children

 Parents and Children        

When it comes to parents and children, the basic concept, the fundamental principle, the Vedic dictum is: Eko'ham  bahusyam | One only become the many. This principle governs the universe. It is Bhagavan Shree Krishna who reiterates, "I only exist and nothing besides Me, Ekam adviteeyam | In the vibhuti yoga, He, the Lord asserts, I am everything! This same principle holds good to every jiva that takes a form here. It is me, a bachelor, only who becomes two (I and my wife), and three, four, five (me and my wife and children). But for me, where are the others?

  The supreme Lord takes many forms and functions and we give a thousand names to Him as in Vishnu sahasranama, Lalita sahasranama, etc. For that matter, when a child is born in the family we all rejoice and proudly proclaim a Krishna or a Gouri is born! It is also true that all parents or children may not always maintain cordial relation with each other when they grow up to individuals. We have seen how the siblings quarrel; father and / or mother and children also quarrel and break up! Hence, what is the reality, the 'truth'? "All relations are unreal", says Swami Krishnanandaji of Shivananda Ashram. Nobody understood the concept when Sri Shankaracharya said: maayamayamidam jagat sarvam | The problem here is that of the limitations, niyati, that the jiva is facing in understanding. The capacity to of the jiva understand is limited. Everything comes under the limitations of time (kaala), space (desha) and causation (karya-karana); moreover, our senses and buddhi have limitaed capacity. Also, ahankar rules the roost. Under these conditions it is natural that we tend to make mistakes, misunderstand people and issues. This is the bane of the jiva.

Relationship is what comes into only when one relates to. We cannot relate to what all exists. Our interest is in what interests us. Obviously, it is avidya, ignorance, lack of proper awareness, that we try to establish relation and fail in most of teh cases. It is selfishness (svartha) and attachment (moha) and ego (aham) that create this situation and we suffer.

   This question of relationship was raised in one of the Conferences recently. The Vedic Conference deliberating on the Rk Veda where my "Decoding the Veda- Rk Veda Samhita" was presented gave me an opportunity to find out the answer to this important question. The Veda says: The Lord willed. He the Lord said I shall become many; Eko'ham bahusyam | Lord Shree Krishna says in the Gita, "I only exist and nothing exists besides Me". Also, "The Lord dwells in the Self of all" - shkhaaya madhye vyavasthitaa | Purushs sukta (Rk Veda Mandala X).

  It is pertinent to ask the question whether the parents come first or the children?

  When this question was raised, the answer given was obvious. Nobody bothers to think how can parents come without children being born! This is an Yaksha prashna like the seed first or tree first. The seed is first and that seed is brahman, Nobody can say 'I am a father or mother' of so and so unless that child is born to them! Moreover, it is divine will that an egg-cell is impregnated and a child is born and everything is Shree Hari iccha, Lord's will. Moreover, it is a particle of Light photon, that radiates from a distant star that take the form of a jiva on earth, that too by chance, reaching the soil via the cloud, rain and germinating!

Now, the funniest part of this story is that somebody becomes a grandfather or grandmother, uncle or aunt, brother or sister just because somebody is born somewhere in the family! The person in US or Canada is brimming with joy that he has become  a mama if his sister delivers a baby in India! This is how relationships are created. One never understands the fundamental principle- "One only becomes, two, three, many"; and; "One only is the truth and all else the untruth"!

Desire is the root cause of the phenomenal world. The Lord willed, desired is the principle here.

      One of the ardent desires of couples, and also the purpose of life is to beget children. It is true that without children, life of couple seems void. Parents particularly the mother, aspires for children with the hope that many of their own unfulfilled desires are fulfilled by children. Elderly parents look to children for their safety and security (as an Insurance policy?). For every mother, her son is a reservoir of hopes. These parents feel disappointed when their children do not come up to their expectations. Parents should realize that they are the past, dwell in the past, cherish their memories, and expect the same to continue forever. But, children, on the other hand, live on hopes, live on dreams and aspirations. The children, too are born with unfulfilled desires of their past lives and strive to fulfill them in this life. The children have got a future of great uncertainties, challenges and changes, and constantly strive for turning their dreams to realities; many of them may succeed, too.  Both parents with a past and children with a future would never meet in the present in matters of likes and dislikes, style of life, and values attached to life and it is called the ‘generation gap’.

      In the first place, it should be understood by all parents that the secret of happiness derived from children is due to love and selflessness, and not due to imposition of one’s own likes and dislikes. Respecting children and their wishes would bring in more love and happiness in the family. Always remember, that some children want to learn their lessons by hard way. Moreover, it is the impressions of their past life that drives them that way. It is said, ‘karmaanusaarena buddhi’; it appears that every jeeva is designed and planned in a particular way to suit its needs, to fulfil its goal.

       Love is a one- way traffic and knows only giving. This simple Rule of Love is not properly understood by many people and they expect love to be reciprocal. This leads to terrible disappointment. Another Rule of Love is that it ceases when judgment takes its place. Love and judgment are inversely proportional. As love increases sense of judgment decreases. This is evident from Mahabharata. Excessive love blinds parents as to children’s follies. Similarly, when wife starts to judge the husband, her sense of pure unconditional love gives place to criticism and quarrelsome behavior and life becomes miserable. A devoted wife never finds fault with her husband and has all admiration since her love is unconditional, absolute and pure.

        Thus, love decreases as sense of judgment pervades relationships. Children, as they grow into mature life, start judging parents when their love for parents decreases; this does not mean their concern for parents also decreases. Love and mutual concern are two different things. One can have concern without love or attachment. In fact, the true meaning of love is also ‘Yoga’,  (‘yuj’ meaning, to unite or become one). When you become one in love, the other does not exist.

          Mind and moods rule over the heart. Mother and daughters, father and sons get into problems for want of total submission to love factor; when children start judging parents, they start evaluation that leads to misunderstandings, frequent quarrels, and often difference of opinion leading to separation. Where spirituality and love rule the relationships, the relationships grow stronger and stronger. Love and love alone thrives.

Problems of our Modern-Day Life

         Our life style has changed over the Centuries and much more has changed during the last few decades than ever. We tend to give more importance to things mundane and do not care for spirituality. There is a mad rush for things that really do not give us happiness and peace.  We are the 'gold diggers' at that! We want instant riches; and, do not care about our own health. We work so hard to achieve material prosperity that we do not have any time to enjoy what we earn; we work so hard that we do not have time to eat our food and sleep, with the result we end up with all sorts of problems.  The first symptoms of this are seen in small irritations, lack of patience, anger, and emotional outbursts. As and when things aggravate, pains appear in the neck, back, spinal chord and disc, legs, and finally end up with nervous breakdown. Headache is the common ailment of persons who do not have enough rest and proper nutrition. Over-straining the body is one thing and constant thinking and worrying about things is the other; both are harmaful. Over-heated brain and lack of time to recuperate the dead cells and over straining the tissues and muscles of the body cause irreparable damage to the system.